


Thin Line

by jejuboo



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 02:58:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17858945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jejuboo/pseuds/jejuboo
Summary: Vernon is scared of the future.





	Thin Line

**Author's Note:**

> i had the urge to write a verkwan fic so here i am jdjsnsns not proofread so yeah
> 
> twt: kwaninoni

Vernon felt his heart dropped when he saw him walkingaway. He wanted to reach out but stopped himself, thinking there's no point. Seungkwan wanted to let go and there's nothing he could do.

 

Every step Seungkwan took, it hammers Vernon's memory of them being together. All the late night calls, impromptu dates and sneaky kisses. It flashed in Vernon's eyes as Seungkwan walked further away from him.

 

Vernon didn't know how they ended up this way.

 

They were happy. They were inseparable. They were bound to each other's hip. They were one.

 

Were.

 

Vernon looked at his feet as he felt tears streaming down his face.

 

He met Seungkwan at a fair, Chan, his bestfriend forced him to go to. It was getting dark when he saw this blue haired man arguing with someone in front a food stall. Others might find it creepy but he didn't care as he continued to watch Seungkwan animately moved his hands while trying to make a point.

 

"No! You told me we will leave after an hour and you said that--- 3 hours ago!"

 

Vernon felt a pull when Seungkwan's eyes went passed him. He felt the connection that could bind them together. He felt something familiar yet foreign. He felt something he never felt before.... It scared him but he felt braver than before.

 

"What are you doing?", Chan said as he patted Vernon's back.

 

He shook his head, "Just... Just looking."

 

Chan followed Vernon's eyes, "That's Seungkwan with his bestfriend, Mingyu... If you are wondering."

 

Vernon stopped breathing for awhile because he swore that was the most beautiful name he had ever heard. He guessed it's only appropriate for someone as beautiful as him.

 

"Oh...", Vernon timidly said as he quietly tapped his left foot, "Friends?"

 

Chan threw him a smug look, "Wonwoo is dating Mingyu."

 

"That doesn't answer my question."

 

Chan threw his head back laughing, "Getting impatient? Just go and talk to him, he doesn't bite."

 

"How would I know? He looks pretty much mad right now."

 

Chan gave him a look, "Mingyu annoys him so much, that's why. Just go and talk to him."

 

Vernon was never a risk taker. He didn't like going over the thin line that separate the good and the bad. He was never the sunset and dawn that separate day and night. He had always liked being in a safe place and he would never choose anything else. Maybe, that explained how he would only buy the same type of clothes-- sweatshirt and he only used the same kind of shampoo and conditioner.

 

His reason, "Why do I need to look for other options when this works perfectly fine?"

 

It was a shock not only for his bestfriend, Chan but also to him when he started walking towards the arguing best of friends.

 

It was at that moment when Vernon crossed the line.

 

And surprisingly, he didn't regret it.

 

"How are you holding up?", Chan asked looking down from the top bunk.

 

Vernon closed his eyes, "I don't know."

 

"You know that it's okay to feel sad, right?"

 

Vernon opened his eyes and looked at Chan, "Is it okay to feel sad about someone who made you happy? Isn't it ironic?"

 

"The moment we let a person make us happy, we are also giving them the power to hurt us. So, I guess it's okay. It's life after all. We feel things."

 

Vernon once again closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I'm hurting, Chan. I feel my heart drying out from within. I could feel it crumpling like a piece of paper left on the pavement."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

Vernon sat down, "I just don't know why it happened, we were doing okay... At least, I thought we were."

 

"Sometimes things are not just meant to last, Vernon. Don't be too hard on yourself."

 

Vernon looked down, "But I wanted us to last."

 

"So, why didn't you stop him?"

 

Vernon felt his lungs run out of air, "I... I don't know."

 

"Maybe... That's the reason things went wrong."

 

Vernon stopped breathing.

 

He gasped for air at the same time trying to grasp the truth behind Chan's words.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

Chan jumped off the top bunk and sat in front of Vernon, "You are too guarded, Vernon. Seungkwan might have felt it's only a one sided thing between the two of you."

 

"You know I like him!", Vernon nearly shouted with disbelief visible in his eyes, "That's absurd!"

 

Chan timidly smiled, "But does he know?"

 

"I... I made it sure that he does...", Vernon said, almost like a whisper with fear evident in his voice. A fear that is crippling from within him.

 

Chan patted his shoulder, "I'm pretty sure by letting him walk away that easy... He got the wrong message."

 

"What do I do?", Vernon helplessly asked. "I could only do so much."

 

Chan smiled, "What are you so afraid of, Vernon? He obviously likes you."

 

"That's why. He likes me. Who would like me?"

 

Chan rolled his eyes, "You are letting someone you like go just because he likes you back? Where's the logic in that?"

 

"It's scary, okay. I am never good at this-- hell, I am never good at anything. What if he find someone better than me? What would happen to me?"

 

"You should stop thinking of what's to happen and just focus on what's happening right now. There will be the future you want if you manage to survive this present."

 

Vernon frustratedly groan, "I don't know... Do I go after him?"

 

"Stop asking, just do it."

 

Vernon sighed, "What if... He pushed me away?"

 

"Go doubt some more and you would die single forever."

 

Vernon was scared.

 

This is the very reason he never liked risking anything. It's the uncertainty of what's to come. It's that crippling fear growing from within and killing you inside out. It's like walking inside a dark tunnel expecting for a fairytale land at the end of it but only to find out there was never an end to begin with, so, you're just stuck there inside crying and dying with fear and anxiety of what's going to happen next.

 

For Vernon, that's what liking Seungkwan is. It's the absence of clues to what's the future will be.

 

Everything Vernon did, it's either calculated or planned ahead of time. Vernon liked keeping it in order when it comes to serious situations because he didn't like the feeling of not knowing what's next which resulted of him being too predictable and uptight. On the other hand, Seungkwan was fun and adventurous. He never liked the same routine and he was eager to try and learn new things. He is clearly the opposite of Vernon and that's what scared him the most.

 

When Vernon approached Seungkwan during the fair 8 months ago, he didn't know what's going to happen next. In his mind, it was level 1 of anxiety. But that anxiety went 3 levels down when Seungkwan smiled at him and asked him to walk around with him. Vernon felt his heart floating and that woke the fear living inside him.

 

Being with Seungkwan was filled of butterflies and worries. It's happy and at the same time terrifying. Vernon felt powerless every time Seungkwan smiled and held his hand. He felt vulnerable every time Seungkwan will hug him and caress him. He felt so transparent every time Seungkwan will look at him in the eyes. Vernon felt... at ease when Seungkwan's there. 

 

Seungkwan was a breath of fresh air for Vernon.

 

He was that string that tightened his life together. He brought happiness and excitement in his dull life. He never got tired of him. He always made sure he is having the time of his life. He made sure that he is well taken care of.

 

And that scared Vernon.

 

Vernon didn't know what the words to say, most of the time.

 

Vernon didn't know what he likes.

 

Vernon was just Vernon.

 

So, why him?

 

Right?

 

"What are you doing here?", Seungkwan managed to ask despite of the pain on his chest.

 

Vernon avoided his eyes, "I..."

 

"I don't have all the time in the world.", Seungkwan snapped at him.

 

Vernon felt his little courage drained from his system., "I... I'm sorry."

 

"For what?", Seungkwan's eyes softened as he watched Vernon fidgets.

 

Vernon tried to look at Seungkwan's eyes but failed the moment he saw how Seungkwan's eyes glowed, "For being a jerk."

 

"You were never a jerk, Vernon.", Seungkwan softly said.

 

Vernon closed his eyes and sighed, "I.. Was... I mean.. Most probably, I still am."

 

"I'm listening."

 

Vernon took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, okay. I was.. scared."

 

Vernon reached for Seungkwan's hands and held it tight... afraid that when he lets go, Seungkwan will once again disappear.

 

"I was scared... At first, I thought I was scared of you... Maybe of how long your feelings would last but later on, I realized.. I was scared of myself. I was scared that maybe... Maybe, I don't know how long I would feel this and that's not fair for you because you deserve the whole world."

 

Seungkwan felt his eyes warm up.

 

"I was never scared of you falling out of love because I'm certain I could handle it.... But I was scared of falling out of love because I know you don't deserve that. You deserve to be loved."

 

Seungkwan choked up, "I don't get you..."

 

"That's why I'm saying sorry... I'm being a jerk for being selfish."

 

Seungkwan cupped Vernon's cheeks, "I don't get why you think you don't deserve the world just as much as I do."

 

Vernon stood there with a visible shock on his face.

 

"You should stop wanting to know everything and just enjoy the moment.", Seungkwan said softly.

 

Vernon sighed, "I'm trying..."

 

"Well, try harder."

 

"I'm sorry for letting you walked away just like that."

 

"You know, for someone who is scared of me getting hurt... You are surely bad at preventing it."

 

Vernon looked down, "I'm sorry, I'm a mess."

 

"What am I going with you... You are so fragile."

 

Vernon looked at Seungkwan.

 

"We are in this together. This is our relationship. Stop thinking too much and just hold my hand."

 

"What did I do to deserve you?", Vernon asked with surprise evident in his voice.

 

Seungkwan smiled, "Let's just say... That's what you get for taking a risk 8 months ago."

 

And it was at that moment when Seungkwan crossed the line.

 

 

 


End file.
